Friday, May 14, 2010 .
3:27 AM

even though its just been a week i feel my life's been changed. so much. i feel broken down again. not negatively..but somewhat. peacefully. positively..everything's been really simplified and changed.

This is a life changing moment i'll never forget. kill me, bring me down for saying this. but i cant deny it. my heart is just overflowing with it, my actions, my words just unconciously deviate to you.

I'm at the edge of my desire. like i'm looking through the looking glass and i see the world through it. the dazzle through your eyes. possible futures. Your world and my world together.

This is so beyond a crush or a role model. you are my world.

i'm terrified that even when my mind tells me not to, i'm willing to sacrifice so much for you. even entrust my deepest, most precious posessions to you. Terrified that you dont even have to say a word..just being around you, i want to be like you and with you.

I dont even need to tell you, or look you in the eye, or just ask if there's a feeling. I'm just so amazed, devoted to your beauty in such a..strange way that even mystifies myself. I'm happy just be be around you. just to see you or even talk to you..even if i dont show emotion. even if you love being with other friends more than me. even just knowing you exist, you're there. online. I'm just happy. to be the man on the side.

I dont even feel impatient..I dont even wish you'd make up your mind about me. About who i am. i'm just happy to be someone in your life. no matter how small.

I just wish, so much that i could be someone more to you. I could do more for you..even if it means just the little things.

I'm going to be honest. I'm scared. scared i'll lose you even though we're just ..friends. scared that we'll drift apart over the years. scared if i tell you i love you enough you'll push me away.

I'm not going to lie. to you, or myself, or anyone else. i feel i'm going through heartbreak warfare and a mid-life crisis, even though i'm just a 19 year old kid.

my heart skipped a beat..and i defied my own logic by taking a chance with you. I wish i had the courage to tell you face to face. and i want to. maybe someday. sometime soon.

even though i cant express myself proper.




but..somehow. something tells me, maybe i dont care. i'm letting my heart take over. call me insensitive. or just plain stupid. but even if it means being cut down, or stomped down by others. labled for being lovesick, idiotic, immature.


i swear to God, i'll be there for you no matter what happens. even if it means sacrificing everything i ever dreamed of, Nothing's gonna stop me from caring about you.


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