Wednesday, January 21, 2009 .
1:00 PM

things aint going too well...


i feel like i'm sort of ending up nowhere here.

i quit archery in the interests of church..church didnt work out, so i left and pursued work..work didnt work out. friends dont work out..i'm getting mood swings at everyone..


so what the hell am i doing? ):



Had project presentation today..it was ok, but it was just inaccurate..mistakes..screwed up. I felt really emo after that..

It's not really about the project presentation, but about people.

1.) i really feel i let alot of people down in terms of work..
I feel bad because sometimes, as i see it, one person's doing all the work and stuff, and nothing's being done equally.

2.) About how our group works..yes, its objective..we sit down, we delegate seperate tasks to people who do the best in them..even though we are supposed to do it in a team. But at the end of the day, whatever happens peer evaluation is just all full marks..it feels unfair, and i think that we need to just figure out everything and not be lazy. not care.

3.) i'm not very happy with some people..

i just dont understand why it's other people's business to pry open why i hate or dislike other people.

i dont get why it's the person's business to get into my life, or our lives for that matter, and direct everything.


I'm sick of working with people i dont like, i'm uncomfy with like that..





I know i can do this..but i'm just lazy. others are lazy. circumstances dont work out..

sigh.

i really had enough..i'm tired, i need some rest. i'm dissatisfied..



why the fuck am i the only one alone in all this mess?

call me crazy or paranoid, but i just feel like i'm a unique fellow..

i'm ok with God but i dont go to church..i dont have any cca, i find myself denouncing the greatest passions i had a few years or months ago, and taking up new mantles..

I find myself drowning in games, in online stuff, in things i dont like just to relieve stress.





i'm just fed up of being paranoid of other people, or being labled emo and all that shit seriously, like what the fuck right?

I dont think it's anybody's business to pry open in my life and figure out why i hate someone or what i like someone.

i dont trust alot of people now, i feel angry at others now. If i had a chance, i would feel like re-starting everything.




Sometimes i just feel like screaming at God and asking him why i'm like this, or why im in this situation.

why did mum and dad split, why do i like HER? why can't i stop having mood swings or scaring others..

why do i have to be the way i am? why are others critising me? WHY ME and not anybody else?




I just dont understand..why must i conform to the ways of what others say? and still, even as i proclaim i dont, why do i?






Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your [T]ruth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other

I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me

Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scar[r]ed hand to the other

From one scarred hand to the other


------