Monday, January 19, 2009 .
4:04 PM

just thoughts..


Sometimes i feel so angry at people, and myself..sometimes i feel like we should all treat others in a utilitarian way, just do the job with them and it's done..but today i really thought about relationships and everything..

a really really dear friend of mine was quite upset today..and i really felt for her in a way i really can't explain. call it love? or just empathy..but yeah. she was really upset..and for me, i just felt alot of her pain. I just felt like sharing her tears and crying too..i really just felt like sitting down, holding her hands and comforting her.

after that, i was really thinky the whole day..



i was thinking about relationships and all, and what it means to me..you know, even though now i dont go church and all..i feel so impacted..I feel God showed me who i really am supposed to be: a friend to those who are friendless..family to those who dont have family..love to those who dont have someone to be with.

Even though sometimes i question why no one's like that to me, or why i dont have a super sister, brother or parents..even though sometimes i really yearn so much to have a love who understands me and can be there for me when i'm down..and whom i can love and be there for too..

even though there's all that..i just feel called to be a friend or a simple guardian..



Sometimes people who are like, in the backstage..we look out for our friends and really save them alot of times, even though they dont notice it..

sometimes i question why i do favours for my friends, and really help them in life..



I feel so jealous sometimes at people and how they can be so close to others..

It makes me think sometimes, why i dont get that same closeness as they do..

Is is because i'm scary? i'm unfit? is it because i used to do all sorts of bad things?



But i know i'm here for a higher purpose..


To be a channel of God's love and hope to others..









Oh, how i just..really long to be with her..

how i really wish to be close to those girls and be their confidant..

how i really wish to be a team player and a brother to the guys..


but i guess things and people dont always return the feelings..that's life i guess.

I just really wanna hold your hands and tell you it's okay..

I want to be more than a brother to her..

I want to be more than a group mate to my team..

I want to be more than who i am...




People may not love me back..but i know its worth it..





as Jesus loved me..even though it was so long ago, He suffered for me..and took it like a strong man, so i could escape sin..


My God set the example of loving others unconditionally and being my best for them..even if i dont like them..


and i guess i follow in his footsteps.. (:


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